As a parent, do you feel like a Superhero? Maybe not, more like an authoritarian, chef, taxi driver, risk assessor, educator, coach etc? Maybe? Well fear not, here is a glimpse into how I shifted my perspective and started seeing myself as so much more than just working or performing in those roles and interestingly life started to open up for me. I see teaching and learning as fundamental aspects of my day, which is so exciting and I have stepped up into my Superhero status!
As a child I remember being amazed at how wise and wonderful my parents were. In my eyes they were literally super heroes. I vividly recall the day I saw my dad for the first time in his ‘Clark Kent’ form. We were in London and my Dad was walking backwards trying to find the perfect position to take a photograph of me and Mum laughing and playing. He lost his balance and in slow motion I saw him trip and fall. I couldn’t believe my five-year-old eyes; how could that happen to the strongest man I knew? At that age, I genuinely thought he was indestructible just like Superman. That memory has remained with me and was a defining moment in my understanding and appreciation of my parents’ humanness, their vulnerability.
As I grew older I remember occasions when my parents did not always have the answers to the challenges I faced or difficulties I was trying to overcome, but they did have the comforting words to help and the hugs to put my world right again. And throughout they had the unwavering belief in me that I could do or be anything. They are human, I have seen them make mistakes, be unsure and challenged.
Yet when I’m asked who my heroes are, I’ll always go straight back to my parents – my unwavering anchor and guides in this world.
Now that I’m a mum I’ve had many conversations with my mother about her first experiences of parenthood as she recalls memories that haven’t surfaced for her in decades. She remembers feeling as though she was fumbling in the dark, completely convinced she had no idea what she was doing, yet she was my everything, my superhero. And we giggle (a lot!) because as it turns out, she still feels the same about parenting, she still feels that she is learning, even now! I find it comical to hear her say ‘Alison, you have taught me so much, you might be my greatest teacher to date.‘ I mean, seriously?! How on earth am I teaching my hero?
Well, now that I am a mum myself, I totally get it! My two boys are showing me the world again through renewed eyes, with their fresh perspective and questions. I am learning how to navigate this world as a mum, responsible for two lives – it’s mind blowing, exciting and overwhelming all at once. My children are teaching me about the world through their experiences. I am in awe of their natural inclinations, their curiosity and presence. I am learning everyday as they push me outside of my comfort zone in challenging ways, and yet we always manage to get through the day.
Now anyone that knows me personally, knows I’m always keen to learn and open to new possibilities and opportunities especially around personal development and growth. However, I don’t think it had actually ever crossed my mind for a moment that I would ever be walking in my parent’s shoes. It hadn’t occurred to me until recently how as a child I looked up to my parents, and therefore it would be natural for my children to do the same. Freeze – I’m suddenly a role model, yikes, and someone’s hero! In fact, two someone’s!!!
I decided there must be a way to learn more about myself through the eyes of my kids in this new role as a parent. To better control and understand my emotions, to be curious and open to opportunities in the face of adversity, to reclaim balance and find my moments of peace. Children are so mindful and present in their actions and being, they have little to un-learn and such openness. So back to basics, I started parenting myself through the new-found teachers I had who were showing me this brave new world.
So how can you shift your perspective, and as a result your behaviours? Because it’s hard, it’s learnt and you’re tired. I understand. I’d love to reach out and give you a hug and say;
‘it’s ok, it’s never too late and you can let go of what’s occurred. This moment is a new one, you’ve never been here before and you can make it whatever you want, just try.’
Think about what you’re learning through your children and how it is evolving your parenting and you.
Try out integrating these six steps into your life to uncover your inner Superhero:
- Write up who you are, your wonderful qualities, what you believe, what you stand for. It’s an empowering exercise that gives you purpose and shows you that you are complex, unknown, still being discovered and not just the sum of your emotions.
- When will you have learned enough? When will you know everything? Have experienced everything? I’m guessing your answers are never, never and never. So give yourselves permission to make mistakes and enjoy learning from them. As you see your children learn and become resilient in the face of challenges, you can to.
- You are a Superhero! List your super powers, give yourself a name. Revel in it, it’s fun, it’s true and you can imagine a costume of choice! When you allow yourself to feel supercharged you smile, you reclaim your power, you become positive, unstoppable. Tell yourself now you are a superhero!
- Visualise, breathe and slow down – make this a habit, by practising. When in doubt focus on your breath and think of all the things you are grateful for. Put post-its up around the house to remind you. Set an alarm on your phone as a reminder to practise.
- Shift your belief on your mindset. In any given moment, you can choose what to think. Move into a growth mindset where you are open to all opportunities. When your inner critic tells you something negative, learn to identify it. Choose to talk back, turn the phrase around to a possibility.
- Make your emotional, spiritual & mental wellbeing a priority and practice every day. By practising what you preach and implementing it for yourself you will naturally influence your little teachers too.
I am a Superhero to my kids, regardless of my vulnerabilities and mistakes, also now known as learning experiences. I have the ability to mend their broken hearts, support them through life’s challenges and make them feel safe and protected through the power of hugs. Little do they know they do exactly the same for me, but maybe one day when they are parents themselves they will.
With warmth,
Alison
P.s – I would love to hear how this resonates with you, what you find works and of course what super powers you have! So get in touch, drop me a message, email or call, I would love to connect.
Alison Callan is a Coach, specialising in Mindfulness & Wellness, Life & Style and Career & Business. Her purpose is to empower YOU to live a life you love and deserve through her Coaching Approach of Clarity through Conscious Creation.
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